she talks

More Babies Please.

I'm remembering all the love and encouragement that poured into my life during our in vitro last year. My friends sent me a card of encouragement for every day of needles. It was better than Christmas! May 1st, 2015 was the day of my embryo transfer. We were in Abbotsford that weekend for a football camp for Nolan. Only a small number of people followed our journey closely and knew what was happening. Nolan got food poisoning that same night and we were all up the entire night with him. I remember feeling so scared that it wasn't going to take. On May 12th, 2015, we found out it worked for us and for obvious reasons, it was one of the best phone calls I ever received.

You maybe think I'm crazy, but I'm ready to go again. Yes...Wylder is only 4 months old but I want another baby! Even if it means another c-section. I can't help but have flashbacks of the heart breaking road we had to ride out to get to this place of insurmountable joy! If you haven't noticed on social media, I'm that irritating person in your feed that only posts baby pics. If you've unfollowed me, I get it. I heard that happens... But I am a doting mama. I could take 30 of the exact same picture and struggle to delete half of them. I think every noise that comes from this babe is the greatest, sweetest noise I've ever heard in my life! Meanwhile, the rest of you are moving forward in your days and over here it's 3 o'clock in the afternoon and I'm still in my pyjamas staring at my baby.

The flashbacks of struggling to get pregnant are still painful. If I'm being honest, I'm scared to walk that journey again. I can't put into words just how broken I was in that time. Having no one to relate to me or understand the constant heart ache of longing for something I just couldn't have so easily like most people around me. Hearing advice from people who only knew how easy getting pregnant can be. I know they meant well, but it just hurt so much to hear the light hearted advice as if I hadn't 'tried to relax', 'go on vacation', 'eat better', 'workout less'. It was better when my friends would listen. Although that lighthearted advice usually came from people who weren't in my close circle, and people who had no idea how broken my heart was because they simply could not relate to what infertility even meant. Hearing how they knew other people struggling as well only minimized my feelings. Would you tell someone with cancer that you know other people with cancer, just so they realized they weren't the only one struggling with their daunting reality? Probably not. But with infertility, I was told that and as a result, I put up walls and even shut out some of those people.

So here I am, hoping and praying this time is different. I'm not sure IVF is an option. I did however learn in that time to have grace for myself. There was nothing I was doing that was preventing pregnancy nor was there anything I could do to make it happen for us.

I feel hopeful we can have another baby without treatments, based on me knowing several real life people this has happened to and I pray to God that we get this lucky! I am aware though, that this might not be the case and we have talked about a 'game plan' going forward if it isn't easy again.  I'm not meaning to sound negative, I am just guarding my heart because I've been there, and it sucks more than I could ever tell you! Wylder has filled a gaping hole in my heart. He was so worth the hardship and wait which is why I want more babies in this house! Another good thing, aside from my darling baby boy, is how Tom and I have been able to listen and be there for other friends of ours that happen to be going through the same thing. I'm thankful to be a hopeful story for them.

Life has never felt so perfect or so right. I never could have dreamt things would be this good and I am so thankful and excited to see what's next for the Ulm's! Maybe not another baby like, right away, because I am loving watching Wylder's personality blossom, and we would never be bummed if it happened... Now please excuse me as I go watch my baby sleep... #obsessed 

 

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Kids & Greatness

My life is so good right now. I'm so happy. My heart is full. After years of sadness and heartache, I honestly never thought I'd be where I am today. Our world is very busy. Nolan is currently on 3 sports teams, I'm on the tail end of my third Whole 30, I've been working a bit and obviously, I have 3 month old. My days have never gone by so quickly nor have I ever hit my pillow so hard at bedtime!

I knew it wouldn't be a cakewalk juggling a teenager and infant. I knew I wouldn't be able to hunker down with my new baby and have leisurely days where I stay in my pj's. I drive Nolan to and from school everyday. Then to sports. It's a miracle that I manage to have a healthy home cooked dinner on the table and somehow my house is kind of clean (minus the pile of papers I neglect). So help me if I need to run extra errands... Life is exceptionally busy between 3pm-7pm, it's insane. My Tuesday's and Thursday's for example, I pick up Nolan from school, come home to quickly feed the baby and potentially start making dinner. Pack up baby and take Nolan to basketball, come home to finish making dinner, leave again to pick up Nolan and take him to football, come home, finish dinner, bath baby, feed baby, put him to bed...and then I can relax because Tom picks up Nolan, unless he is away for work.

Last week as I was regretting allowing Nolan to be involved in so many things during such a busy 'life' season, I thought about how amazing sports have been for him. How enriched his life is as a result of having so many great coaches pour into him. He's made amazing friends. He has big life goals which have only grown as he continues to improve his skills and work on his weaknesses. I often wish I had his confidence and drive when I was his age. I was dying my hair a heinous shade of red/brown from a box and doing nothing productive for my future at the age of 14. The baby screamed the entire 30 minute drive to Nolan's basketball game last week and by the time we got to our destination I was completely drained. I felt so thankful for Wednesday's because they are the only night I get to stay home after school. No kidding, Nolan gets in the car after school on Wednesday and asks if he can join the golf club which is on Wednesday's. My only peaceful night of the week. NO FREAKING WAY! He proceeded to arrange his own rides to and from, said he'd pay for it and is currently scavenging the classifieds for used clubs. Tom says it best when he says it could be worse. We get annoyed with him for wanting to play more sports.

So here I am. Juggling an infant and a teenager. We don't have much of an attitude problem from Nolan. He isn't rebelling. He is smart, responsible, respectful (for the most part), he has a job, cleans his room...so I will keep driving, keep paying for sports, keep supporting his dreams. I will do the same for Wylder. I still make time for my friends, I'll also find time for 'me'. What I know for sure is how fast these years go by. The relationship Tom and I have with Nolan is so good. He talks to us and hangs out with us! Investing time into my child's interests has paid off in more ways than I can list. I am such an advocate of finding something your kids are passionate about and nurturing whatever that is. It might not be sports but helping them find something that they love helps them become healthy people. It allows other positive influences to pour into them. Giving structure to their days and teaching them to work with people and learn to respect adults and teammates. Sacrificing your time because you love them...I think that's part of our job as parents!

I never really had my freedom because I was so young when I had Nolan. I often struggled with feeling like I missed out on lots of fun times with friends because I was home alone with Nolan on a Friday night and not at a pub with all my friends. Then when I did go out, I had guilt for not being with my son. There was a real struggle with being a young single mom. (Another post, another time). My point being, my sacrifice paid off.

Nolan is viewed as a leader by his coaches. I believe that he was taught this by his coaches. He is a role model to younger players. As much as I know Tom and I teach him these things, a lot of who he is comes from the people who pour into him through sports. Even some, not all, of his teachers at school. It goes without saying that he is already an amazing big brother to Wylder. I'm so thankful that he has such a great role model as a big brother. There is nothing else in this world that brings me more joy as a mama than this!

Obviously this post would not be complete without some photos of my little monkey to brighten your day!

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Wylder is almost 3 months old, weighing in at 15 lbs and 2 feet tall.  Let me say this, my life gets better every single day.  As much as I enjoyed him as a newborn, I'd be lying if I didn't say the first two weeks, no...I lied, the first four weeks, was not only a struggle being a new mom again but emotionally, mentally and physically. I felt like I didn't know him for so long.  He was a different baby every day.  It was so different than when I had Nolan.  You know how babies come into this world so pure and innocent?  Well I've come to the conclusion that this isn't true.  I mean, he's pure and sweet but in the bible it says we should be slow to anger.  Wylder would go from zero to ten without warning then stay at TEN until he finally got tired of crying, which would be for an indefinite amount of time.  I mean even when he cried for 5 minutes in the middle of the night, I swear it was actually 3 hours!  So one day I sent Tom out for gripe water. Don't judge or do judge, I don't care.  Remember, we are in this together, doing the same job as mothers and fathers raising babies/toddlers/kids/teens!  Like I said, we bought gripe water.  It helped him take the soother better because he isn't really soother baby either so we just dip the soother in some gripe but unfortunately for us, Wylder caught on our trick and refused the gripe covered soother.  He was confusing me, much like his father did when we first started dating, so he stopped accepting the soother and we were back at square one with an angry, unsettled Wylder that had us taking turns pacing the halls, "shooshing" him until he finally gave into sleep.

Taking it back to the bible, let's talk about patience being a virtue.  I don't think so.  Even I find this one confusing but Wylder was far from patient. FEED ME! CHANGE ME! HOLD ME!  So we did.  Dinner waited, sleep waited, Nolan waited, because Wylder was the boss.

 

Tom was going away for work right around Wylder's 7th week of life.  With the help of my most amazing friend, I got the courage to sleep train him.  I was so scared it was going to be a disaster, so every day and night my dear friend/sleep coach would walk me through what I should do and tell me how great I was doing.  Wylder took to the sleep training like a champ.  I'm probably one in a million to have a baby not cry through it but by night 3, he was sleeping until 4:30-6am.  This past week he's had two nights of sleeping until 7.  Since the sleep training, my baby boy is a completely different baby.  He's calmer and happier.  He also doesn't need to be held all the time and will lay on his back smiling at his toys for an hour several times a day.  No more crying fits of rage and no more pacing the hallway.  I really couldn't have done it without the daily encouragement from my amazing friend!  She is a already a huge blessing in my life, but was especially good to me the moment Wylder entered this world. #lifecoach

11 weeks post partum and I'm finally feeling like myself again.  I've been making daily and weekly goals including showering, cooking, cleaning, exercising and trying to reconnect with friends again.  I lost a part of myself on the long weary journey to have this baby and I'm working so hard to restore what was lost. Moving on from friendships I sadly lost through my hard times, working past hurts and issues I have, learning to love again and learning to create healthy boundaries as I surround myself with good people.  It's not easy but I'm looking forward to this new chapter of life.  We are in it and on the other side of it now and the feeling is incredible!  

'LIFE'S GOOD!  LIFE'S GREAT!  LIFE GETS BETTER' - Tom and Nolan's dinner chant (cuz they are that cool!)

 

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It's 5 weeks now and finally, we are learning to work around Wylder rather than fight to make him fit into our life we had prior to him being born! He's the boss right now (he's not really the boss. Okay, maybe just a little bit). I don't get anything done because he won't sleep deep unless I'm holding him, so I try several times a day to put him down where he naps for 10-30 minutes before he realizes he isn't being held against a warm body. It's enough time for me to go to the bathroom, heat up lunch, fill a sink with water to wash dishes then not wash them because my time is up. I've invented numerous baby soothing machines in my head these past few weeks as a result! He's sweet though, starting to smile, and since 2 weeks old, he only wakes up once in the night. I'll take the harder days for a good nights sleep any day! He rolled over last week which we thought was a fluke but he's tried about 6 times since then (like last night in the bath) which is scary because he's only 5 weeks old and I have friends with babies over 6 months that haven't rolled over yet! Life is pretty great now! All of us stop what we are doing several times in a day to take in all the baby cuteness going on over here. And have I mentioned how Nolan has surprised us by being a super hands on big brother? He is super.

*Proof of the roll over.

Moving on, I know what you're thinking... "Where am I going to get breast milk to make these cookies?" Since it's the most important ingredient making these extra nutritious! Kidding! I'm kidding.  These are breastmilk free.  I never dreamt of baking such cookies let alone having the privilege of blogging about them but these are actually the most delicious oatmeal cookies ever to be baked in my home! I'm eating them because my darling Wylder is an eating machine and I'll do whatever it takes keep this milk supply high for a happy baby! Plus Tom and Nolan really like them...even after I let them eat several before admitting they were called 'Lactation Cookies'!

I've tweaked the recipe to make these absolutely perfect and healthier.  If you're not lactating, just leave out the yeast and you'll have some delicious cookies for your tasting pleasure! 

Lactation Cookies

Ingredients:

• 3 cups old-fashioned rolled oats
• 1 cup spelt flour
• 5 tablespoons brewers yeast
• 3 tablespoons ground flaxseed
• 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 3/4 cup organic unsalted butter (melted)
• 4 tablespoons coconut oil
• 1 1/2 cups organic coconut sugar
• 2 eggs
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 1 1/2 cups dark chocolate chips (I use Enjoy Life chunks)
• 1/2 cup coconut flakes

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees and line a baking sheet with parchment paper or a silicone baking sheet.
2. Mix dry ingredients in a large bowl. In a medium bowl combine coconut sugar and eggs. Slowly pour in butter, coconut sugar and vanilla. Mix well.
3.  Add wet ingredients to the dry ingredients. Stir until just combined. Add chocolate chunks and coconut flakes and stir until evenly dispersed.
4. Scoop the dough into 1 inch rounds (spaced 2 inches apart as they spread when baked). Bake for 9-11 minutes or until edges are golden. Let cool completely before storing in an airtight container.

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Welcome Thomas Wylder!

He's here! Our long awaited miracle baby joined our family on January 11, 2016. Weighing an unexpected 9lbs 1oz and 21 1/2 inches long. In these first 3 weeks of his life, Thomas Wylder Ulm has brought us all a crazy amount of joy! I am so in love with his little face...I just can't get enough of him! He is absolutely perfect!  Just to clear the air, if you are a friend of Tom's, you can call him Thomas (the 8th or 9th, we aren't positive on this yet), and if you are a friend of mine, he is Wylder.  So just call him Wylder so he isn't confused, thanks in advance!  

The birth was not as easy as I had imagined it might be (based on my first labor with Nolan). In fact, what I've learned from this pregnancy to delivery to life with a newborn so far...I know absolutely nothing even though I've done this before. Wylder has thrown me many curve balls already. For example, my labor where, fast forwarding, by the time I started pushing, his heart rate was so high and he wasn't budging, the only option was to have a c-section. I never in my life would have dreamt I'd require a c-section which made for a bit of a traumatic delivery experience.  I held back my tears as they wheeled me down to the OR. It's sad on a lot of levels for me. It was my first surgery, then the recovery is daunting and all I really wanted was to be at home and not in the dirty hospital being poked and prodded every few hours. I am however thankful that it all happened so fast.  Aside from meeting our baby, the highlight of the c-section was the doctor telling me I had nice abdominal muscles as she cut me open, how many people that get cut open get told that?! When our precious boy came out, everyone in the OR was just as surprised as us at how big Wylder was.  I wasn't a big pregnant person so even still, I don't understand how I grew a baby so big in my little womb, but it explains my constant back aches!  Not only was I sad I had a c-section, but I didn't mention that my water broke at home which was also not a part of my plan because that only happens in the movies!  

We stayed in the hospital for 3 days because Wylder had a few minor health issues that needed to be addressed before we could bring him home but today he is a very healthy almost 10 pounder.  He never fit newborn clothes and is almost outgrown 0-3 month clothes already!  He eats lots, poops lots and sleeps pretty good for a new guy. Dare I brag about our 6 hour stretch last night...so SO good! Let me be real though, he changes daily and is quite particular, we just don't know about what because he changes daily, we can only hope tonight is as good as last night! Pray for us.

I'm currently 3 weeks into my 6 week recovery. I'm not to lift anything heavier than my giant baby, I can drive but I can't carry the car seat, groceries, do laundry, vacuum... I get out of the house once a week for an hour between feeds, otherwise I am housebound.  It's killing me. Confession...I've broken some rules already... Kind of hard not to. I can't wait to feel normal and be able to rock my baby without my body hurting or be able to get in and out of bed without having to brace myself. It may be a good thing, but one of the hardest parts of this for me is accepting help from people because I've needed help more than ever in the past few weeks.  Our friends and family have been incredible with driving Nolan, bringing meals and treats, helping clean my house.  A huge shout out to my husband who is busy enough without all of the added responsibilities that have landed in his lap, he is amazing, he never complains and I am a very lucky to have someone so great as my best friend and partner in life!   Hands down,  the first couple weeks were the worst for me, but on the bright side, I've been able to focus solely on my new baby and I'm all caught up on my trashy reality shows!

I'd like to talk more about our infertility journey another time, but I can honestly say, there were so many times when I thought this time in our life would never come. My heart ached for years grieving the idea that Tom and I may never share this experience and be able to raise our own babies together. Thomas Wylder is so incredibly special to all of us, we have literally talked about him for 4 1/2 years before he came along and we are so excited to watch him grow up and see what his little personality is going to be! Faith and hope in the infertility journey are both so tough to hang onto and I gave up several times, but my hope now is that our story can give hope to others who are going through the same thing.

I played 'photographer' with our handsome little man the other day.  We did good considering he gave me 5 minutes to mess around with him before he cried!  Oh I just love this guy like crazy...

 

10 More Days...or less. Please be less.

OMG.  10 more days.  I cannot freaking believe I have survived the past 3 months with my lack of patience and now with my extreme discomfort whether I am sitting [the lovely shooting pain in my back], or standing [the shooting stabbing pains in my groin] or sleeping just kidding, I don't sleep.  Today someone said I looked like I had been crying.  Nope.  No crying, I just had to pee 7 times between 11pm and 3am, then I couldn't sleep until about 5am, then I had to get up and take Nolan to school.  But I did have a really nice nap with my cat this afternoon, so I think I am all caught up, until tonight...  I know everyone is thinking, just wait, you won't sleep with your new baby coming, but trust me...I think you are wrong, I do not sleep as a pregnant lady.  I would happily wake up every 3 hours to feed because I am certain I will be getting more sleep than I am now!  Bring it on...baby's bag is packed, car seat is on stand by, I am not packed, but Tom is on stand by.

We asked Nolan if I go into labor in the middle of the night, if he would want us to wake him up.  He said yes, but he will stay home, just in case my labor is super long, like 4 hours or so.  Cute right?!  I pray to God I have a 4 hour labor!  With Nolan it was about 10 hours, which again wouldn't be so bad after hearing all the horrific labor stories from friends and clients!  Then this morning I asked Nolan if he wants us to pull him out of school if the baby is born during school hours to meet his little brother...it was a stupid question...he said yes of course.  I may have cancelled his birthday had he said no.  I think I'm not alone here and we are all ready to meet the newest Ulm, so PLEASE COME OUT OF THE BABY OVEN AND SAY HI!!

Christmas was so nice this year.  As much as we all missed our Maui christmas, like really missed it, it was nice to have our first Christmas in the new house and the last Christmas with us 3.  It was quiet, but perfect for us!  Nolan said we did the best we've ever done for gifts, which means a lot coming from an impossible teenager.  He was our Santa this year, and Molly wore her jingle bells as she hid from all the presents.  Nolan held her against her will to get a decent picture, but at least she likes those jingle bells!

The Christmas cat.  Dennis has more Christmas spirit than all of us combined [look at those crazy frisky cat eyes].  Next year I might just wrap her up as a present because I'm pretty sure that is her Christmas wish.

And the best gift ever.  On Boxing Day I noticed some young ladies walking up to my front door and I was wondering who in the world would be coming to our house.  I opened the door and there stood my two sweet nieces from Edmonton...I burst into a serious ugly cry as they stood there looking afraid of my reaction.  I still can't believe my sister and her family made the effort to 'bring Christmas to me' as they said!  They were our first overnight house guests.  This quite possibly could be one of the best surprises Tom and Nolan kept from me!  

My next blog post will be the baby announcement.  I guarantee it.  Not just because I probably won't blog again until then, but I told this baby that I am evicting him this week and since he is obviously a very obedient perfect little child already that will do what I say and/or because he wants to meet all of us as much as we want to meet him he will respect my wish.  Oh and lastly, because every day he gets bigger and that just means it's going to hurt more...*sad face*.  I've already inquired with the midwife, if I don't have time for drugs, maybe I can have a shot of whiskey...  "Tom, pack a flask!"  

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It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas at the Ulm residence!  YAY!  Tree is up, house is smelling festive and the cookies are baked.  Now if only I could finish the christmas shopping...  It was a bit odd as we decorated our tree, we talked a lot about how this is the last year with just the three of us.  So crazy to think that in a month we will have a new member of the family.  It's hard to believe it is actually going to happen after dreaming about this baby joining our family for 4 years!  

This marks the 4th year of us doing the '12 days of Christmas' for Nolan.  I originally started it the first year we went to Maui for Christmas and it turned out to be something that Nolan really looks forward to every year!  I actually can say it is my only consistent christmas tradition for him and the truth is, I wasn't going to do it this year.  I've been feeling overwhelmed with getting ready for baby, christmas and just keeping my house clean, fridge stocked and dinner made that until the day before I needed to start the 12 days, it was cancelled in my head.  Nolan brought it up one day last week which reminded me that I can't forget about him.  I want him to know he is loved and valued even with the baby coming and since Tom just assumed it was happening, there was only one option.  It's on for the 4th year and clearly, every year from here on in...  But buying for a teenager...UGH!  Thankfully, I was able to think of 12 great gifts that he will be stoked on, I hope.  

35 weeks pregnant.  All of a sudden the time is slipping away very fast.  We have to buy all of our big baby items yet, hello boxing day sales!  I'm definitely feeling more pregnant every day.  Every time I catch a glimpse of my side view in a mirror or reflection in a window I do a double take because I am positive the bump grows overnight and I hardly recognize myself!  I'm on unofficial bed rest now with the exception of driving my son here and there and errand running.  My midwives think this babe could arrive earlier than the due date which gives me mixed feelings.  I'm not mentally ready for labor yet, but it might be nice to have this baby over the christmas break...or better yet, make headlines and have the first baby of the year!  Hello fame...and presents...I'm pretty sure that first baby of the year gets presents!  Either way, this baby is going to be here before we know it and then it's the start of a whole new chapter!

 

Some days when I am feeling awesome and have energy to spare, I like to get my bake on and try new recipes.  These bars were really good!  They reminded me of some bars my mom used to make only hers were made with sweetened condensed milk.  To make these, I made a paleo version of sweetened condensed milk that was pretty unreal actually if you are up for the challenge (it's easy, but just takes time).  I will definitely make these again, but it will be a 'special occasion' treat only!

Coconut Magic Squares

Crust Ingredients:

3/4 cup almond flour

3/4 cup unsweetened coconut flakes

1/2 tsp salt

1 tsp vanilla

1 tbsp honey or maple syrup

1/4 cup clarified butter, melted

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Line an 8x8 glass dish with parchment paper.  Combine all ingredients and press firmly into prepared pan.  Bake for 12-15 minutes until golden brown.  Remove from oven and cool on wire rack while preparing the filling.

Filling Ingredients:

1 can full fat coconut milk

2 tbsp honey or maple syrup

1 tbsp vanilla

3/4 cup dark chocolate chips

3/4 cup unsweetened coconut flakes

3/4 cup chopped pecans

1/2 cup raisins

1/4 cup unsweetened coconut flakes

In a saucepan over medium heat, bring coconut milk, sweetener and vanilla to a low boil.  Reduce heat and simmer for approximately 45 minutes, stirring often until it's reduced by half.  The coconut milk mixture should be very thick, leaving you with about 3/4 once reduced.  Remove from heat and cool slightly.  

Pour half of the condensed coconut milk over the crust and spread until fully covered.  Layer half of the chocolate chips, coconut flakes, raisins, and pecans and press down gently.  Add a second layer of the remaining toppings and pour the remaining condensed coconut milk on top of the layers.  Top with the flaked coconut and bake for 30 minutes.  Cool completely (about 2 hours in the fridge), before cutting and serving.

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I cannot find the words to share just how excited I was when Nolan's football teams lost their last games...  It sounds worse than you think, but his community team still placed 2nd in the league, so at least one of the teams did well!  I honestly don't even know how I survived juggling his two football teams with my pregnancy fatigue, working, moving, but I did.  Now it's basketball season, which already feels like a piece of cake!  I don't think I ever mentioned it, but last year, Nolan was awarded 'MALE ATHLETE OF THE YEAR' out of all the grade 7 boys at his school.  He goes to a school with 700 kids...so this award even surprised him.  I wonder if he is going for the same award this year as he continues to join every sport he possibly can!  The boy thrives when he is playing a sport, any sport!  So even if I am dragging my tired pregnant butt to practices and games, I am constantly reminded by people with older kids, that I will miss these days when they're gone and I'd be lying if I said I don't love watching the boy in action!  

So now that life is a lot less hectic and we are becoming more and more settled in the new house, I'm left going only slightly crazy having more time to think about exactly how many days there are until we meet our new baby!  I am not loving the third trimester at all.  I am cursed with pregnancy insomnia which makes for long days, I'm crampy and my back aches whether I've been standing all day or not.  Oh and this baby is riding low...which has brought on a whole new set of symptoms that might traumatize someone reading this if I blog about them!  I'm not complaining, because I am so grateful for our miracle baby and I love feeling him move and kick, but I will love it even more when I can smother him with kisses and see his little face!

I am just over 32 weeks, I can still see my toes (barely) and zip up my jacket (barely).  We are struggling with naming this child, which has become a conversation that doesn't seem to end well for Tom and I.  The baby's room is coming along very very slowly, but I also need to decorate for Christmas and remember to buy presents for Nolan yet (Note: Can't forget about Nolan!)...sorry, I'm just trying to prioritize things in my scattered hormone drunken brain.

Now for the good stuff.  This is a recipe I found on Goop.  These pancakes are so yummy that I will probably be making them for lunch today.  The recipe doesn't make a ton, but they are a nice addition to our weekend eggs and bacon.  These are gluten-free and dairy-free for those of you who have dietary restrictions.  I don't always love the texture of baking with coconut flour, but these are just so tasty that they won over my heart and stomach with just one bite and now I can't stop thinking about them!    

Coconut Flour Pancakes

Ingredients:

• 1/4 cup coconut flour
• 1/2 tsp baking powder
• 1 pinch salt
• 3 tbsp coconut oil (plus extra for frying)
• 1 1/2 tbsp honey
• 3 large eggs
• 1/3 cup almond milk
• 1/8 tsp almond extract
• 1/2 tsp vanilla extract
• 1 tsp lemon zest

Directions:

1. In a small bowl, whisk together coconut flour, baking powder and salt.  Set aside.
2. In a medium bowl, cream together the coconut oil and honey until almost smooth.  Whisk the eggs in one at a time.  Add almond milk, almond and vanilla extract and lemon zest. (Do not leave out the lemon zest!)
3. Fold dry ingredients into wet ingredients and combine until just mixed.  Do not over mix the batter. (Batter will be runny and this is A-OK)!
4. Heat 1 tbsp coconut oil in a large pan over medium-high heat.
5. Add batter (1 heaping tbsp = 1 pancake).  Cook for 2-3 minutes on one side, then 1-2 minutes on the other.  This batter won't bubble up like other pancake batter so be sure to check frequently.
6. Serve with maple syrup and enjoy!  

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IT'S A...

It's finally time for the big reveal...the news we have been keeping on the down low for hmm...something like 5 weeks now.  We don't know why we haven't shared what this baby's sex is, but we aren't the type to throw a gender reveal party and it feels really really weird to even announce what we are having before we are having it!  But we know.  And people ask.  A lot.  And so we awkwardly tell them, we know but we aren't telling because...we don't actually know why we aren't telling, but we will...and...you get the point! 

As most of you know, our lives have been ridiculously busy with moving not once but twice (due to possession dates etc, etc...), Nolan playing on not one, but two football teams is doing me in with the never ending driving around, not to mention trying to feed a rapidly growing, athletic teenager.  I cook too much.  Tom's been traveling a lot, I am working still and unpacking and cleaning yet.  I have been completely depleted of all energy, if I even had energy to begin with.  As a result, it landed me in the hospital last week as I was having contractions and cramping and we just needed to:

1.  Make sure everything was A-OK with baby.

2. Pray I wouldn't be put on bed rest because, we all know, this mama cannot afford to be on bed rest right now.  I haven't even gotten started on this baby's room for crying out loud!!!  

3.  Most importantly, make sure this baby wasn't planning an early arrival, which freaks me out mainly for the reason that the closer D-Day comes, the less and less ready I feel to have this baby!

Long story short, all tests came back negative!  Baby is happy as can be and even started kicking my ribs this week...aww, cute right?  The prognosis:  I have an irritable uterus (meaning they don't know what is happening), but I do and will continue to have contractions daily until it's time.  Thankfully I can keep doing everything I was doing before without any interruptions.  

As a treat (aka: just more testing), I had a second ultrasound with a really great tech that spent so much time checking out this baby and printed me 10 more photos!  She estimated that baby was already 2.5lbs, which was over a week ago and for those wondering what an average baby weight at 26 weeks in utero is...it's 1.5lbs, so somebody, say a prayer for me, because this could be one big ass baby, so help me...  I got to see everything and this baby is perfect and so adorable already...check out the close up!  I swear that's daddy's nose...  And look at that little chin...BAHHHH, I'm dying over here!

I know!  I know!  So what is it already?!  I just made you read all the boring updates so you could get to this part.  Although for no reason at all, I truly thought otherwise...it's true.  We are indeed having yet another boy!  Isn't that something?  Another male in this house to make sure Sportsnet is ALWAYS on the TV, another boy to spend hours watching play sports, play fighting and wrestling, leaving lego for me to step on...  It's great!  I loved the look on Tom's face when I told him he was going to have a little boy.  Nolan's excitement to meet this little guy multiplied by at least 1,000 when he realized he was going to be able to teach him everything he knows about football!  

[Nolan quote:  "I'm so glad I've got my boy first, so the next one can be a girl!"  I think he is confused that he is the brother, not the father, kidding of course!]

Another great thing, because I knew I would have more kids one day, I hung on to all of my favorite baby clothes from Nolan's baby days.  I finally got to pull them out now that we are in the new house and not only am I dying to meet this baby boy, but I just love that he gets to wear his big bro's hand-me downs already.  It has taken me back to when Nolan was a baby and as much as I thought we were going to even out the gender scores in 2016, I don't mind one tiny bit, being surrounded by a bunch of boys who love me almost as much as I love them!  

So now you know...it's a boy and he has a very tight grip on my heart already!

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6 Months In The Bag

I honestly can't believe how fast this is all going.  Tomorrow is 6 months of this belly growing business!  Life has been completely insane for pretty much this whole year.  Is it over yet?  Please...  It started with the in vitro process that went on to be 6 weeks longer than we anticipated which took us from February to May when we got to find out the wonderful news that we were finally going to have a baby!  May was when we listed our house to sell it which turned into a summer of excessive house cleaning and running out of the house, removing my dog and child for daily viewings that became something I despised with great passion.  [On the plus side, I created some really great house cleaning habits]!  But I was in my first trimester and although I didn't have an ounce of morning sickness plague me, the most intense fatigue and a severe case of 'pregnant brain' made everything feel 10 times harder than it should have.  I am happy to report the house finally sold and we moved out last week.  Thank GOD for my mother who volunteered to come out and help us.  I honestly think I may have gone into labor had it not been for her.  We are not very good at asking people for help...it is probably something to work on, but my mom saved me, really.  Even with her help packing up and cleaning on the last day of 504 Stanley Cres, I ended up coming down with a kidney infection 2 days after it was over and am currently fighting something else that feels like a cold.  We have really great friends who are letting us stay in their beautiful house while we wait out the days until we get possession of the home that we will raise this next batch of babies in and create a million great memories in as a family!  I CANNOT WAIT! 

So here I am...actually I am a bit bigger than this picture would lead you to believe as I am rapidly growing outward.  My stomach feels so tight, I swear it might burst open.  How the heck am I supposed to make it 16 more weeks?  When I was pregnant with Nolan, need I remind you I was 18 years old...I didn't get big at all, my back wasn't sore, my feet didn't hurt, I wasn't half as tired as I am this time around...it was a breeze!  This time...here I am well into my second trimester and I am still waiting for this energy burst everyone speaks of.  I am beginning to think that an energy burst may not be in the stars for me.  My favorite thing about being pregnant is when this baby moves and this baby can move!  It kicks and punches almost non-stop and I love it so much.  I am already at the point where I can sit and watch for kicks!  I loved this part with Nolan and I love it just as much this time around.

We had our ultrasound and yes, yes we did find out the gender!  How exciting, right?!  But...I can't tell you yet.  Soon we will shout it out from the roof top, but until then, we are just enjoying knowing what it is and sharing the excitement amongst the three of us!  Nolan is getting more and more excited every day about being a big bro.  At first he was nervous of the idea that he may be sharing his birthday, but I think he is moving beyond that and I already know that when this baby is home with us, Nolan will be stealing snuggles as much as he can.  I guarantee that 100%!  Did I mention how obsessed I am with this little face already?   

 

One of the things I have been dreaming about since we started trying for this baby, is that I get to share it with a man who is equally excited about this baby coming into our lives.  Not only that, but I can't wait to watch Nolan fall in love with this babe as well.  Nolan's dad was young, he was scared and it totally makes sense, but after I gave birth [no lie, within the first hour of Nolan's life], I ended up consoling him, telling him that everything would be ok...then he said he was going to leave because he didn't want to miss P.E. class...you have to understand, I have no hard feelings there and I laugh about it when I remember that day.  Plus, I didn't care...I was obsessed with Nolan and I was busy being a high school celeb with all my classmates dropping by all day long!  Who am I kidding, Tom is so obsessed with crossfit, there is a very very good chance he might leave to get his WOD on after the baby is born!   

This book was the best $2.00 I have ever spent.  Since reading it, I will obviously glow like all of the celebrities during and after pregnancy now.  I know every trick and beauty secret for an effortless pregnancy...I am bathing in almond oil and literally lathering myself in it before bed.  I just don't have a nanny or a house keeper, so some of the tips and tricks in this book simply won't work for me due to my lack of fame and fortune. 

I'm not looking forward to birth.  Who does?  Don't answer that.  Thankfully, at the rate my belly is growing I'm sure I will be more than ready to breathe normally, not have heartburn, backaches, and sleep normally and I'm sure my birth will be super fast and easy with less than 10 minutes of pushing anyway...   

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